


The wedding singer

by Simbanrat



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, F/M, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25307008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simbanrat/pseuds/Simbanrat
Summary: Callum was marrying the love of his life - Whitney. They needed a wedding singer, enter Ben Mitchell who was going to change everything.The initial idea was a bit of a rip off of the Adam Sandler film, I intended it to follow that storyline but it took on a life of its own. Really the only thing that remains is the title and the fact there is a wedding singer, nothing else. Sorry 😂.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Whitney Dean/Callum "Halfway" Highway
Comments: 34
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

Callum Highway was marrying the love of his life. 

That’s what he told himself anyway, he’d been dating Whitney for just over a year and he loved her a lot, she was his best friend and he felt happier with her than he had ever been in his life. It seemed like a natural progression that he would ask her to marry him and she’d been so happy when he popped the question that he really believed it was the right thing to do. 

The Carters had been happy for them both, he was basically a member of the family since his own dad and brother weren’t the type of people you’d choose to be related to and they’d pretty much adopted him as one of their own years ago. He’d only recently reconnected with them though, having lost touch when they moved away and he joined the army. Once he turned up and accidentally shot Mick (don’t ask…) they’d let him move in and stay with them, giving him a job, a home and a family once again. 

It was also thanks to them he met Whitney. If they hadn’t let him stay they would never have met and he was very thankful for them for that. They were as fond of her as they were him as she has a history with the family, having once been married to Mick and Linda’s son Lee. When they announced they were engaged Linda had popped open a bottle of bubbly on the house and toasted the happy couple, pleased to see both of them happily settling down together. 

Whitney had taken on most of the wedding planning, Callum wasn’t really that bothered about it to be honest and was happy to let his fiancée decide on all the small details. She seemed to relish being in charge and might have been becoming a little bit of a bridezilla, but he didn’t mind. He wanted her to be happy so was happy to go with whatever she decided, even if some of it was a little out there. Callum internally wondered why they needed to release doves after they said their vows, but if that’s what his beloved wanted then that’s what she’ll get.

The date was set, the venue was chosen, the menus picked and she had her perfect dress. Everything was exactly as Whitney wanted and she was getting really excited as the day started to approach, she was getting the perfect wedding and marrying the best man she had ever met in her life.

She wondered how she was so lucky to get someone like Callum, he was inexperienced and shy to start with, but he was gentle, loving and treated Whitney like she was a queen. He’d been the first man to treat her with respect and it was inevitable she would fall in love with him. Everyone told him he was punching above his weight with her, she was gorgeous and outgoing, but she thought she was lucky to have him.

Callum had never had a girlfriend before her, he was never that interested in girls or relationships. He was a little embarrassed to tell her that he was a virgin when she tried to initiate sex for the first time, ashamed that at 28 he hadn’t ever got round to sleeping with another person. He had chances in the past, drunk women at parties his friends had dragged him to as a teenager. He’d been drunk too, but when he went to put his hand on a girl’s boobs he froze, it felt wrong and he wanted nothing else but to get away from them. 

He put it down to the alcohol, it never really agreed with him and he figured that when he was sober and ready it would happen. It nearly happened before he shipped off with the army, a girl he had had a few dates with made it perfectly clear she was up for it, but when he went to slip his hand in her pants he felt like he was going to pass out, if felt alien to him and he apologised to her before he took off, never to see her again. The last time he saw her was also the last time he saw his dad, when he saw his son running away from the girl he called him a nancy boy and told him he was a waste of space. The next day Callum packed up his stuff and went off to war… well to the catering tent anyway. 

He didn’t imagine he would finally have sex so much further down the line though, he ended up thinking it was a bigger deal than it was, building it up in his mind. But that afternoon with Whitney, how kind she was when he admitted he hadn’t had sex before, she made it feel comfortable and right and he ended up enjoying it. He enjoyed it a lot more than he thought he would, a willing and warm body next to his, someone to hug, someone to hug him and show him some affection.

It was something he felt like he had been missing his entire life. It wasn’t the sex, it was the intimacy of another person stroking your face, looking in your eyes and telling you that they loved you. He would take that over getting down and dirty any day. He rarely initiated things with Whit, it was usually all her. He was happy to snuggle up in bed together, hug her to him and fall asleep with her in his arms. When she ran her hand down his stomach towards his pants he tensed slightly before relaxing at the touch, allowing himself to enjoy it.

He wasn’t great at sex, he accepted that and he was grateful that Whitney didn’t seem to mind. He suspects that she thought it was something they could work on, that the more they did it the better he would become. Maybe she was right, it was like most things, practice makes perfect. It was just a shame that he didn’t really want to practice. 

He felt guilty and wished that he could be a better lover but she reassured him that sex wasn’t that important. She would rather have the emotional connection with him than a physical. He wished he could believe that, but when she guided his hand between her legs when they were meant to be watching a film on the tv he knew that it was more important to her than she would admit. He made a conscious effort to try harder, to try and make things better for the woman he loved. He started to get better at making the first move, even going down on her unprompted a few times. He didn’t enjoy it but she seemed to and she always returned the favour afterwards. 

They fell into a good life together, he thought he started to get better at the sex thing, Whitney seemed to make all the right noises when they made love and was enthusiastic to tell him when he was doing something right. He still didn’t particularly enjoy it, but he was pleased he could make someone else feel good. Relationships were all about compromise weren’t they, he would try his hardest to make Whitney feel good, even if he was less than enthusiastic himself. 

They were a month out from the wedding, laying in bed one morning and Whitney was kissing Callum’s neck, slowly making her way down his body, heading towards his crotch when the phone rang. ‘Saved by the bell’ Callum thought to himself as he reached for the phone, Whitney tried to tell him to leave it, still working her way down his body, but he pressed on the button and started to say hello before he noticed. 

The woman on the other end asked to speak to Miss Dean so he tapped her on the shoulder and she stopped what she was doing and looked up at him, pouting slightly that she had been interrupted. He held the phone out to her and she took it, pushing her hair back behind her ear and placing the phone there. 

Callum watched the display of emotions come over her face as the woman on the other end started to talk. He couldn’t understand what the other woman was saying and only got Whit’s side of the conversation. Whitney’s face displayed anger to start with and then settled on disappointment, when she hung up the phone call she looked at Callum with such a sad look he wanted to wrap his arms around her and comfort her, he wondered what was wrong. 

He was a bit miffed that it was just that the band they hired had cancelled. “Their lead singer up and left” she whined, acting as though it was the worst thing in the world. Personally he was quite pleased, he wasn’t keen on the band but didn’t tell Whitney that, he hadn’t dared to. He didn’t see why they couldn’t just have a disco, he found the idea of a wedding band really cringe and would rather go without. He hoped he could convince her they could just make do with a DJ instead. She wasn’t very responsive to the suggestion though, pulling a face like he’d suggested they sacrificed their first born to the devil rather than just hiring a man with a CD player. 

He remembered that he’d pretty much let Whit organise the whole wedding and if she was that set on a band then he should try his hardest to help to find a replacement. He scoured the internet hoping to find someone that was going to be able to fit them in this close to the date, most decent acts are snapped up really far in advance and he was worried that only the shit bands were going to he available now. 

He came across a Facebook page for a singer who lived local, there were a few reviews on the basic page saying how good he was, he had a good variety of songs and he made their retirement party go with a bang, Callum wasn’t very hopeful that this guy was going to be very good but there really wasn’t that much choice left. He’d rung a few places and everyone had been booked up, especially as it was a bank holiday weekend they needed them. 

He sent a message off via messenger and said they were in need of a wedding singer, the date they needed and if he was free could they come and meet him and see him in action. He replied almost immediately to say he was available and said he would be performing at a local bar that night if he and his fiancée were able to make it, giving the address and saying he hoped to see them there. 

Callum told Whitney he thought he found someone for the live entertainment, she looked at him as if he was mad, especially when he said he found him on Facebook. She rolled her eyes at him and huffed a bit, but she’d failed to find anyone either so she agreed to go and meet the guy, hoping he wasn’t as shit as she feared he would be. When he told her the name of the bar she looked at him curiously.

“The Prince Albert?” She asked him surprised. “That’s a gay bar Callum” she said. He was shocked, he didn’t have a clue and had never been in the place even though it was just around the corner from where he lived. He felt a little uncomfortable at the thought of going there, but this was for Whitney, they needed to find a singer so if they needed to go to a gay bar then to a gay bar they would go. 

That evening as they walked towards the Albert they heard singing drifting out into the street. A smooth voice singing show tunes carried through the cooling evening dusk and they both looked at each other in surprise at how good it sounded. Neither one had high hopes but as they walked in and looked towards a raised area in the corner they caught sight of a man belting out a tune from guys and dolls with just a backing track for company. 

OK it wasn’t a band, but this guy could sing and he had a confident swagger about him, owning the makeshift stage and he was attracting a lot of attention from the locals. Callum couldn’t work out if they were taken with the singing or the way this guy was swinging his hips but he didn’t suppose it mattered. Whitney was stood next to him holding his hand, she squeezed it tighter and he turned to look at her. She was smiling at the singer and then turned to look at him nodding, leaning in to shout to him that she liked him a lot. 

Callum felt relief that he did something right and he was able to help in some small way with the wedding, they just needed to chat to the guy and see if they could agree on a price for the evenings entertainment. They went to the bar and grabbed a drink, turning to watch as the man continued his set. Callum found that he couldn’t keep his eyes off him, the way his hand held the microphone, the way he made eye contact with the men in the front row who were barely two metres from where he was singing, the way he licked his lips at some unseen person off to the side of him. Callum swallowed hard and felt himself licking his own bottom lip, slightly mesmerised by the guy. 

When he finished there was applause and as he walked off a sound system came on to play some cheesy pop music. He walked through the crowd, stopping to chat to a few people along the way and then he arrived at the bar, spotting Callum and Whitney straight away and coming to stand right by them. They were obvious in the bar, an uncomfortable guy with a woman hanging onto his arm, either a nervous gay or an engaged couple the guy thought to himself. 

“That was great, we loved it”

“Thanks, it’s not my day job but I do love to sing”

“We’re looking for a wedding singer, is there any chance you could do it for us?”

“Your man already told me the dates and I am free. As long as we can come up with a mutually agreeable price we’re good to go”

Whitney smiled and gripped onto Callum’s arm a little tighter, pleased with who they found to sing at their wedding and very impressed that it was him who had managed to find him since he’d taken little interest in any sort of wedding planning up until that point. 

“So…. Mr and Mrs who to be?” The singer asked and then Callum stuck his hand out introduce himself. 

“Callum, Highway, and this is my fiancée Whitney”

The singer looked at the hand and put his own out to shake it, holding firmly and ignoring the sparks he felt at the touch

“Ben Mitchell, I’m your wedding singer” he said with a smile. 

Callum smiled back and ignored the sparks shooting through his hand too as Whitney leaned her head onto his arm and smiled at their new acquaintance. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ben Mitchell was officially booked for the Dean/Highway wedding. 

He didn’t get many gigs, the whole singing thing started off as a bit of fun, something to do away from his real life and to take his mind off of things. He did a party as a favour to a friend and then they recommended him to someone else who booked him for a retirement party. He’d only done a couple of weddings, most couples preferred a band for those but he was happy to sing if someone was willing to pay him. 

He’d always loved musicals and singing, much to his father’s disgust. When he was a kid he would dance around to his favourite films, wanting to copy the movements of the actors, singing along to the songs and loving the escapism. His dad would walk in and shout at him to turn those stupid films off and stop mincing around. Mitchell men didn’t sing, they didn’t dance. They boxed and fought, were hard as nails and nobody would dare to cross them. Phil Mitchell wasn’t impressed that his son was a wimpy little gay kid. But it was what it was. Ben was never close to his father and they pretty much lived separate lives, both quite happy with the lack of relationship. 

Ben knew he was gay early on, finding himself more drawn to boys than girls. He tried to fight it, to hide what he really was but he could only do it for so long. His dad knew what he was before he did, the sly digs, the occasional thump to try and beat it out of him and the way he treated Ben as if he were an alien all told him that there was something wrong with him. His dad kept him at arms length, almost afraid it was catching.

When he got older he and Phil drifted apart more, he didn’t mind so much as he got to spend more time with the people he chose rather than felt obliged to. He still couldn’t fully accept who he was though and in an ill judged attempt to prove to himself that he wasn’t gay he slept with his friend, stupidly not using protection. He did realise that he was 100% gay though, knowing that sleeping with a woman was something he definitely wouldn’t be doing again. 

They both freaked out when they realised Lola was pregnant but eventually they came to terms with what was happening and decided that having a baby wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. They loved their little girl, Ben might not have been the best dad to start with, but he couldn’t imagine his life without little Lexi now. 

Whilst Ben already loved musicals, it was only once he became a dad that the singing thing happened properly, his dad had taught him up until that point it wasn’t acceptable under his roof when he was a kid but now he could do what he wanted. He’d sing and dance to his daughter to entertain her and when she smiled and bopped along to him he realised he could help make people feel happy by entertaining them. He enjoyed singing, realising he was actually not bad at it when Lola told him he was good. It was nice to have confirmation from someone who wasn’t a little girl who thought that her daddy was the best at everything anyway. 

The first time he performed in front of people that weren’t his family it was terrifying, it was just a favour to sing a song or two at a party, not many people were paying that much attention him but when he started the first song he knew that he enjoyed people watching him, seeing them closing their eyes and swaying with the music, mouthing along to the words he was singing. He could get used to it and if he didn’t have a day job as a mechanic then he would love to be on the stage in the west end. That was never going to happen but maybe he could enjoy himself performing on a smaller scale. 

The first time he got paid for a gig it was amazing, that people enjoyed what he did so much they were willing to pay for it blew his mind. With that first bit of money he’d gone out and bought a fancy microphone and speaker, deciding to invest a bit of money into it and thinking that it was worth it to do something he enjoyed. Although he was new to the job he took to it like a duck to water, feeling confident enough to own whatever stage he was on and always getting a good reaction from the people hiring him. 

Being a singer also helped to take his mind off of his heartbreak. It had taken Ben a long time to accept who he was, not allowing himself the chance to meet that many men to begin with but eventually he fell in love with a guy. It was messy as hell as he was hiding who he was with a girlfriend at the time, but Paul saw straight through the façade. He knew who Ben really was just by looking at him, really seeing him and it was the first time Ben thought that anyone had really known who he was in his life. 

It took a while for them to get together, The aforementioned girlfriend was an issue of course but eventually Ben fell hard for him, he came out to his dad by kissing his boyfriend in front of him and they settled into a happy relationship. It all came crashing down though when a gang of violent bigots attacked them. Ben managed to escape but Paul didn’t, Ben’s heart broke and he felt like he would never be happy again. Carrying around the hurt and guilt of losing his love, having survivors guilt and never being able to forgive himself that Paul who was good and pure died, and he and his black dark soul survived. 

That happened three years ago and in that time he hadn’t allowed himself to feel for anyone again, a combination of trying to protect his heart from pain and not believing he deserved happiness. Sure he’d been with men, a lot of them, but he didn’t allow any of them to get close to him. Ben was now a confident, out and proud man. Gone was the scared and nervous boy he’d been in the past, scared to admit who he really was. It could be argued that he overcompensated somewhat, being ‘too proud’ as his brother once commented to him. But Ben was done with hiding, he wasn’t scared and he wasn’t ashamed and he wasn’t going anywhere, not anymore. 

He often sang at the Albert, it was a home from home for him. His mum owned it and he was there most nights on the pull anyway, it was natural progression to start singing there once a week since he was into the same songs and style of music as most of the punters were and they definitely appreciated his set. He only got paid in shots but that was fine, he wasn’t doing it at the bar for the money. When he performed he knew that all eyes were on him, he had his pick of the guys watching him and if rolled his hips or seductively licked his lips at a cute man while he was crooning along then he knew he’d have a warm body to fuck into later. 

Men rarely stayed with him until the morning, it was a mutually beneficial agreement between him and whoever he’d gone home with that it was a one night only deal. There had been a couple of men he might have felt a pull to see again but he stopped himself from handing over his number when they asked for it, reminding himself of Paul’s broken body and the pain he still hadn’t recovered from after losing him. Ben had built a barrier around his heart and he wasn’t willing to risk it getting hurt again, no matter how cute or hot a guy was or how good at sex they were. 

Ben was happy with how his life was going. He owned and worked at a garage, the only thing that really tied him to his dad still but the business was in his name and it was a successful enterprise. He had family, those by blood in his mum and brother and those he chose with Jay and Lola. And of course there was his beautiful daughter, she brought him so much joy he couldn’t imagine his life without her. His personal life was ok, it was what he chose and he had a lot of fun with casual sex and hook ups. He got a little lonely sometimes but on the nights he was feeling particularly down he allowed a guy to stay the night, maybe have an early morning sex session and then kicked them out after.

One day he had a notification on his phone to tell him he had a new message, he opened it up to see it was from someone he’d never met before, but the profile picture of the guy showed him to be pretty cute. He wondered if it was someone contacting for a hook up but when he read it he realised the poor sap was engaged to be married and was looking for a wedding singer. ‘Shame’ he thought to himself and started typing a reply to invite the guy and his intended to come see him perform to see if it was something they wanted. 

He did his usual routine before he headed off that night, jumping in the shower and having a quick wank, memories of previous bodies he’d had, sweaty and hard and trying to not think about the one body he wished he could still have. He helped himself to a whisky too, the alcohol burning his throat as it went down and a quick dinner, usually a sandwich because he could never be bothered to cook for just one person. When he grabbed his stuff to leave he was excited to perform. He always got a thrill knowing people were watching him, enjoying what he was doing and knowing that at the end of the night he would be going home with whoever the hell he wanted to. 

His stuff was usually left at the Albert, it was a regular gig and when he didn’t have anything else booked in it made sense to lock it away there rather than drag it back and forth, his mum didn’t mind it taking up space in the store room and she wouldn’t say even if she did. He’d already been over earlier that day to set up so when he arrived in the evening he was all good to go, grabbing a beer to take onto the stage with him and he started to sing. The crowd all turned towards him and listened intently as he sang, wrapping arms around one another and swaying to the music, 

He noticed a couple walk in while he was singing, a tall guy with his hair gelled to one side, blue eyes that popped from across the room and a nervous energy that he could sense a mile off. He had a pretty girl on his arm, hair dyed a vibrant red and a smile that was one of the brightest he’d ever seen. The guy didn’t seem to be quite so happy though, chewing more on his lip that smiling with it. He carried on singing as he noticed them walk towards the bar and order a drink, keeping an eye as they walked and appreciating when the tall guy had his back to him and the tight jeans that hugged his rear end. 

Ben tore his eyes away from the perfect butt and carried on with his set, making eye contact with a blonde guy who was eyeing him up and making a note to himself to drag him back to his flat and fuck him later, licking his lips at him to let him know he was interested. 

When his set was finished everyone clapped, he was always popular and he’d been with a fair few of the patrons in the bar so they all knew him, the man he’d connected with went over to him to whisper something in his ear, asking him to meet him in the toilets but Ben waved him off and said he had some business to attend to and would come find him later. The man was a little put out but when Ben told him he would fuck him into the mattress in an hour he perked up again. 

Ben made it over to the bar to meet the couple, the tall guy was really handsome up close and his eyes seemed to be even more blue. He had a cute scar on his forehead and Ben noticed his lips were wet and plump, a tongue running over them. They confirmed to him that they wanted him to sing at their wedding and then the introductions were made. As the man introduced himself as Callum, holding his hand out to him Ben took the hand and felt lightning jolt through it. His heart skipped a beat for a moment and he internally shook some sense into himself, telling his body that this guy was engaged to a girl and to stop being so stupid. 

He chatted to them for a while and they seemed really great, he liked them a lot and was happy to help with their wedding day. They agreed a price and exchanged numbers, saying they would meet up to discuss set lists and more details later before Whitney leaned in to give him and kiss on the cheek and Callum held his hand out to shake Ben’s again as they left. Ben felt that bloody jolt again and tried to ignore it best he could as the red head smiled and grasped her fiancé’s arm, as Callum shook his hand his face broke into a smile that would challenge Whitney’s for brightening up a room and Ben felt his heart skip again. Ben couldn’t help but smile back and started chewing on the inside of his mouth as Callum pulled his hand away and the happy couple turned to walk away. 

Ben watched them go and realised he might be in trouble, he’s been attracted to a lot of men but this was the first time he’d had that reaction to someone in a long time. He needed to go and find the man from earlier and get it out of his system, Mr getting married is out of bounds and he needed a man for the night that was available and willing. He found him on the dance floor, grinding against some dude, had Ben been less confident he’d have left them to it but he knew what he wanted and went to stood in between them, motioning to his target that he was ready to go and grabbed his hand, leaning in to ask him he if wanted to good time. 

He responded immediately, turning his back on the guy he was dancing with and pulled Ben towards the door to leave. They went back to Ben’s, all over each other as soon as they got in the front door and they didn’t even make it to the bedroom. Ben started pulling at the other man’s clothes in the living room and pushed him onto the sofa, dropping down to his knees and fumbled to get the zip undone, trying to get to his target. As he swallowed him down in one he definitely didn’t close his eyes and imagine blue eyes looking down at him. 


	3. Chapter 3

A few days later Callum had a message from Ben, he had a contract he needed signing for the gig and wanted some more information about the venue and time he needed to be there. Callum knew he should delegate to Whitney since she had taken charge of all the wedding details, but he didn’t want to bother her when she had so many other things to be thinking about. He found Ben and he felt like he should be the one to sort it out, he didn’t want to think about the fact he was excited to see him again though. 

Since that night he couldn’t help but think back to when he met the other man. He’d spotted him singing and admired his confidence, wishing he could be the same and get up on stage feeling at ease with all eyes on him. He thought that Ben could be the kind of man he would like to be friends with although the gay thing might take a while to get used to. He had no problem with gay men, he just hadn’t had much contact with them and tried to not think about what they got up to in private, but live and let live and all that. His dad and brother might have hammered it into him when he was a kid that being a homo was a bad thing, but he never believed that himself.

The charisma of Ben was astounding, when he came over to talk to him and Whitney he radiated energy and there was an aura about him. He and Whitney spent the rest of the evening talking about him and how excited they were to have him booked to perform at the wedding. Callum didn’t realise that he was talking more about Ben than she was though, his thoughts stuck on Ben’s blue eyes and the way his hand crackled with energy when he shook his. Callum had never had that happen before, he figured it was a static shock or something, a logical explanation, you don’t go around feeling electricity pulsing through your body when you touch a random stranger, or at least he didn’t. 

The night they booked Ben, Callum initiated sex with Whitney, it wasn’t something he did often but he had an itch he needed scratching for some reason. Maybe his sex drive was finally kicking itself into action, years late but finally there. Whitney was surprised when he climbed into bed and slid over to her, pressing his hard crotch into her back as he hugged her and started to kiss at the back of her neck. She smiled and moved his hand down to between her legs, letting his fingers creep into her pants before she turned around to kiss him.

Afterwards they laid panting, Whitney’s damp hair a mess and she was laying across the bed, head on her fiancés chest and her hand resting above his pubic hair. His hair was just as messy, the exertion of their love making knocked it out of place and there were stray hairs stuck to his forehead. He had his arm around Whitney, stroking her shoulder and appreciating how lucky he was to have her and glad that he was finally able to be the man she deserved in the bedroom department. Neither of them questioned where this new found confidence and horniness came from, they were just glad it was there. 

Over the next couple of days Callum still had the horn. In the morning he was reaching over to Whitney, kissing her awake and happy that each time she responded, climbing on top of him and enjoying the ride. After they had sex for the fourth time in two days they were eating breakfast together in the kitchen. They were sat in chairs next to each other and Whit had her foot resting on Callum’s chair, her leg bent up and her foot situated between his legs. She let it move towards his crotch and used her toes to rub at his growing bulge, they ended up christening the kitchen table that morning. 

It was as if they were having the honeymoon period early. Whitney was always a little concerned about Callum’s lack of interest in sex, she said she didn’t mind but she was a healthy young woman and she had needs. She didn’t want to rush him or force him into things if he wasn’t in the mood but there were only so many times that she could take the lead. She really wanted him to do some of the initiating so when he finally made the first move she was in heaven. 

She didn’t know what had gotten into him, but she was glad. He was far from the best she’d had at sex, but the last couple of days, with the enthusiasm he was showing she thought that it might be some of the best sex she’s had in a long time. She wished she knew she got into him and what she had to thank for her new improved fiancé, but for now she was just happy to jump back into bed when he came up behind her while she was making a cup of tea. 

Callum told her that he’d had a text off Ben and that they needed to sign a contract for him, he said he was happy to go sort it out and with his new found confidence she felt happy to leave him to it. She had so many other things to do, and they’d basically lost a couple of days in a sex haze so she was a bit behind with some of the other things she needed to organise. She kissed him as she was on her way out of the flat, telling him to have a good day and told him to keep the bed warm while was away, winking at him as she closed the door. 

He sat at the kitchen table as he watched her leave and smiled to himself, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in his life and feeling like he was finally being the man that Whitney deserved. He got his phone out of his pocket and scrolled to the message he had from Ben and replied to it, telling him when he was free to meet up and go over things. Ben text back to say he was at work today, but feel free to go and see him there, dropping the address at the end. 

Callum couldn’t believe it when he saw the address, he’d walked past it so many times and never realised it was there, he guessed it was because he didn’t have a car so would have no reason to notice a garage. But he found it strange that he’d been living in the area as long as he had and never ran into the other man since he seemed to be a local. He guessed they just moved in different circles. He agreed to pop in later and went for a shower, not being able to resist touching himself while he was in there as he still had an itch. 

When he finished in the shower, got dressed and was ready to leave the flat he fired off a text to say he was on his way to Ben if now was convenient but he didn’t get a reply back. He figured he was probably busy working and decided to head over there anyway, hoping that it wouldn’t be a bad time. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door, shutting it behind him before heading down the stairs and past the door that led to the undertakers underneath where he worked. It was as he was walking out the door onto the street that he looked back and saw the big ‘Coker and Mitchell’ sign and swore to himself about another link to Ben he hadn’t realised. 

As he walked through the market and headed towards the garage he had a feeling bubbling up in his stomach that he couldn’t place. It wasn’t anything he felt before and he thought that maybe he hadn’t eaten enough that morning, leaving his stomach feeling unsettled. Maybe he was just excited to be able to tick something off the list for Whitney, finally feeling as though he was going to be a good husband and pulling his weight to help out. It was about time he pulled himself together, Whitney was a special girl and he still couldn’t believe that she settled for him, he needed to not take her for granted.

When he arrived at the Arches the door was slightly open, so he stepped through it and peered around it to see if he could see Ben. He was about to shout out a ‘hello’ but he heard a groan and soon his eyes settled on something in the corner of the room. He stilled and whatever he was about to say died on his lips. 

There was a man sitting on the desk, one leg was bent up and resting on a chair and he had his head thrown back with someone kissing at his neck. He had his hand on the back of the other man’s head, encouraging him to carry on licking and biting at the flesh and the noises he was making were filling the room. It took a while for Callum to work out it was Ben doing the kissing, he was stood between the other man’s open legs, gently moving his hips and had a hand gripped onto the other man’s lower back, seemingly pulling him closer as he continued to attack the neck, then he kissed his way back up and latched onto the lips of the guy he was with. He had his hand on the back of his neck and was holding him in place, licking into his lips, his hips starting to move faster and with more determination, the moan of the other man getting louder. 

Callum froze, his mouth went dry and he could feel something stirring in his jeans. He tried to close his eyes, to look away from the scene in front of him but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He instead focused on the outline of Ben’s profile, all he could see of his face now it was kissing the other man and then his eyes drifted down to the way Ben’s hand had dropped down onto the thigh of the seated man, gripping tight with his fingers digging into the material, Callum wondered what it would feel like to be there in his place and he started to chew on his bottom lip at the thought.

Suddenly his phone started to ring and he was broken out of his haze, he quickly stepped back behind the door out of sight before the other men could pull apart fast enough to look at where the noise came from. Callum took a deep breath and took a step into the room, trying to confidently pretend he’d just arrived and hadn’t witnessed what he had as he took his phone out of his pocket and waved to the men as he was answering it and having a quick conversation with whoever was on the other end.

Ben and his companion were standing slightly apart now, the previously seated man now standing up and pouting that he hadn’t been finished off. Ben just looked at him and nodded towards the door, making it clear he was expecting him to clear off. The guy tried to kiss Ben as he as about to go but Ben pulled away and waved him off, turning away from where Callum was stood and quickly trying to smooth down his ruffled hair and straighten up his lopsided clothing while the man dejectedly walked past Callum and walked out of the building.

Callum used the chance of the phone call to try and calm himself down, the swelling in his groin had dissipated with the phone ringing luckily but his heart was still racing, thinking about the way Ben looked while he was kissing the other man and wondering how it felt to have those lips on him. He had no idea why he was thinking like that though, he’d never thought of anything like that before and had no reason for it to be happening now. He was probably just still horny he thought and needed to get back home to Whitney. Now his libido was active it was obviously just in overdrive at the moment, like a teenager who has discovered his dick for the first time. 

Ben finished sorting himself out and turned round to Callum, defiantly looking at him and refusing to apologise for being caught in a compromising position. He did look a little sheepish though, aware that he’d told Callum to pop over to sign some paperwork and feeling bad if he made the other man feel embarrassed. He watched as Callum finished his conversation and put his phone back in his pocket, raising his face to look back at Ben.

“So shall we get this contract signed then” Ben said to break the ice, Callum was looking at him with a slight pink blush creeping up his neck and face and nodded his agreement. He walked over to where Ben was stood at the desk and watched as he fished out two sheets of paper from one of the drawers before placing them on top of the surface. Callum looked to the desk where just a few minutes ago a man had been sat and was getting it on with the man who was now stood just a couple of feet away. His skin suddenly felt itchy in the close proximity to Ben, the air smelt of oil, sweat and sex and he felt like he wanted to make a run for it. Being close to him and smelling the mix of two different aftershaves on him reminded him of what he’d witnessed and his stomach started to turn over, his guts beginning to twist inside. 

He scrawled a signature on the papers where Ben indicated on both copies of the contract and shoved his hand out to shake Ben’s hand, feeling the electricity again. He nodded his head at the man who nodded back and rushed out of the door, clutching his copy of the paperwork as Ben tried to say something to him as he left. When he got as far as the swings in the playground outside he paused and leaned up against the metal pole of the swing, breathing heavily and feeling like he might be sick. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a few deep breaths, trying to get his body back under control before he was ready to stand back up and walk back to the flat. 

When he got there he let himself in and went and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to work out why he’d had the reaction he had to not only witnessing a private moment between two men, but why he’d reacted the way he did when he was close enough to Ben to reach out and touch him. Maybe his dad and brother were right, maybe he felt the same as they did about gay guys but this was first time he’d been around them to notice. He shook his head, sad that apparently the apple didn’t fall far from the tree in his family and he was just like them after all. There was no other reason or logical explanation he could think of of why he reacted like he did, at least no other reason he was willing to think about.


	4. Chapter 4

A little while later Callum was laying down on the bed, mulling over the events from earlier when his phone beeped in his pocket and he reached in to get it. He was surprised to see Ben’s name on the screen in the form of a text message. He wondered what the man had to say to him when they had already met up that day and signed the contract for the wedding entertainment. He clicked on the envelope on the screen and opened the message, reading that Ben still needed some information from him about the venue. It was only then that he realised he’d raced out of the Arches so fast that he hadn’t actually done everything he needed to when meeting up with Ben. 

‘Shit’ he thought to himself, pissed off that he’d managed to mess something up. He’d already told Whit that he would sort it out so he needed to get it done properly. He clicked on the reply button and asked Ben when would he convenient for him and sorry for rushing off earlier, lying that he felt ill and needed some air. It wasn’t a complete lie of course, he came over feeling strange in Ben’s presence and needed to get the hell out of there, but he wasn’t going to go into that right now. The reply came that Ben was free now if Callum was about, and with no reason not to go, Callum agreed. 

He popped to the toilet before he left, pausing briefly at the mirror above the sink as he washed his hands to take a look at himself. He looked the same as he always did, nothing was different, he didn’t look any different, so why did he feel like he was. Since witnessing Ben and his friend it felt like his whole world has changed, what he thought he believed might not be what he really thought. He was a little worried about meeting Ben again, not wanting to say or do anything that might come across as rude, but he needed to get it done.

They agreed to meet at the Albert for a coffee, it was generally pretty quiet during the day Ben told him, so it was a good place to talk in peace. As he approached the bar he had time to take the building in properly, the first time he really had the chance to look at it. It didn’t look scary or wrong, he knew what his dad would say if he saw him going in there, how dirty and perverted the patrons of the place would be. But Callum really didn’t believe that. He just saw a bar, a place where people could go and have some fun, he failed to see what was bad about that. He concluded that he wasn’t like his dad, that he really didn’t care who someone else was sleeping with, so that brought him back to wondering why he felt like he was going to have a panic attack when he last saw Ben. 

He was stood, lost in his own thoughts when Ben walked up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder, snapping him out of where his mind was going. He turned his head to see who was there and was met with a cocky and warm smile, Ben’s hand was still on his shoulder and Callum started to feel the heat pulsing through this body from the contact ‘Oh’ he thought to himself, realising that the combination of Ben’s smile and touch was making him feel something he didn’t imagine he would. He weakly smiled back, feeling in shock at the realisation and tried to stop his body from panicking. 

“Shall we go in then” Ben asked as he took his hand off of Callum’s shoulder and started to walk into the Albert, the taller man felt cold at the sudden loss of contact and nodded, managing to get out a quiet “yeah” as he followed Ben into the bar. They ordered their drinks and the barman told them he’d bring them over when they were ready so Ben directed to them to a table in the same area that was previously set up as his stage. Callum sat down in one seat and Ben situated himself opposite, smiling and not sensing the internal turmoil the other man was feeling in that moment. 

Callum looked at Ben smiling at him and felt something in his stomach pulling, he had the chance to really take in the other man’s features for the first time, his hair was swept to one side, his blue eyes were sparkling and he had freckles spread over his nose, making him seem younger than he was. Callum thought the freckles made him look adorable and he surprised himself with his own thoughts, having never previously thought that about a man before.

After a few minutes of silence, Callum staring at Ben and him looking back curiously at him, Callum realised it was beginning to get weird. The silence was interrupted by the barman bringing their hot drinks over, managing to break the spell of Callum concentrating on the birthmark he noticed on the other man’s cheek. He looked down as the hot chocolate was placed in front of him and mumbled a quiet thanks, picking up the drink to take a sip and burning his lip slightly. 

Ben laughed as Callum swore and pulled the cup away from his face, touching his lip and sticking his tongue out to lick at it as he put his drink back down on the table. The nerves Callum was feeling was causing all common sense to leave his body, his mind not registering the fact that a freshly made hot drink might burn him like an idiot. He looked at Ben sheepishly, still touching at his lip gently and when he was met by a smile he smiled back, feeling a little more at ease by the friendly face of the other man. 

“So” Ben started, “I’m going to need some details about the venue, times you need me there, how long the set will be and what you want me to sing”

“When did you know you were gay” Callum blurted out from nowhere. 

Ben’s eyes widened comically wide, his mouth forming an O shape, completely taken aback by the unexpected question. He didn’t have a problem with his sexuality, he got over the awful time in his life when he was scared and ashamed of who he was, but it was strange to have this guy he didn’t know asking him such a personal question. He furrowed his brow and looked at the other man, tilting his head to one side and chewing on the inside of his cheek considering what to say. Should he be earnest or sarcastic… but Callum was looking embarrassed and uncomfortable that he’d asked so Ben took pity on him, settling on being honest and not a dick. 

“I guess I always knew, it just took me a while to accept it. I knew for sure when I slept with a girl and knew I didn’t want to do it again, the only good thing to come out of that was my daughter” 

“You have a daughter?” 

Callum was shocked, he slept with a girl and had a child, how could he do that if he as gay, he assumed that if a gay guy tried to sleep with a girl then his equipment wouldn’t work. He was hoping that was the case because he was able to sleep with Whitney and if that wasn’t a sign for him being straight then it made him question himself. Ben just nodded at him, seeing a slightly panicked look on the other man’s face and mistaking it for being uncomfortable around him. He felt his blood boiling, having had his fill of homophobes and bigots in his life he didn’t need to work for one now. 

“Look mate, I don’t care what you think of me and what I do, frankly it’s none of your business and if you have a problem then that’s down to you. I don’t need this shit so find yourself another singer”

He went to stand up but Callum panicked and shot his hand out to grab at him, catching his hand and feeling the same electricity sparking as their skin touched, he looked at where their hands were joined and marvelled that outwardly there was no sign of anything special going on, but inside he felt like his body was on fire, radiating from his fingers and travelling through his whole body. 

“I’m sorry, it’s none of my business, I don’t have a problem with you. My mouth just blurts things out sometimes. Please don’t go”

Ben paused halfway between sitting and standing, looking at the seated man and the worried look on his face, staring at their hands and wondering what was going on his mind. This guy didn’t throw out bigot vibes so maybe he was just a bit slow and not very good at social interactions. Callum was now looking up at him with a half smile, his eyebrows raised up and his face looking open. Ben chewed on his lip and thought for a minute before he sat back down on his chair, looking at his hand which was still encased in Callum’s. He nodded at it and the other man let it go, pulling his hand back to his body and letting it settle on his lap where he clasped it with his other hand and started to twiddle his thumbs. Ben retrieved his hand, letting it rest on his thigh and ignoring the fact he missed the warmth of it being held. 

“I am sorry”

“Forget it”

“I didn’t mean to offend you, me and Whit really want you to sing at our wedding reception, I just say the wrong thing sometimes”

“Honestly, forget it”

They nodded at each other and both picked up their now cooling drinks, trying to ignore the slightly weird atmosphere at their table. Ben sipped at his coffee and looked at the other man over the top of his mug, watching as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the taste of his ridiculous hot chocolate, trying to drink around the countless marshmallows and whipped cream. Ben felt a little twinge in his guts at the blissed out look on his face and swallowed his coffee as he looked away. When Callum took his mug away from his face he had a big white moustache on his face. Ben couldn’t help but laugh at him as he pointed out the mess and just like that the tension was broken. 

They chatted about the information they needed to discuss, Callum giving all the details of what Ben needed to do for the gig and sorting out everything they needed to. They went and ordered another drink as well, finding the conversation straying onto other things, Ben about his love of singing and Callum about his time in the army. He didn’t like to discuss it really but with Ben he found he could talk about anything, the conversation flowing naturally and he was able to tell him about the explosion that caused him to be discharged on medical grounds. 

“A real hero then” Ben commented impressed

“Don’t” Callum warned harsher than he intended and immediately regretting snapping at the other man. Ben didn’t take it personally and just reached his hand out to place it on top of Callum’s, showing there was no hard feelings. It felt natural and Callum found himself opening up about the people in the explosion that didn’t make it and how he felt anything but a hero when people died. Ben listened without judgement and let him talk, knowing he needed to unload his feelings, recognising a fellow broken soul. 

Before they realised it the afternoon had turned into the evening, punters had begun to come into the bar and order alcoholic drinks ready for a fun night out. It turned out they’d been talking for hours, not paying attention to the clock or knowing that the time was flying by. Ben asked him if he wanted a beer and Callum wanted to say yes, but when he looked at his watch and realised the time he knew he had to get home. Whitney should have finished work half an hour before and he needed to get back to her. He wished he didn’t have to though, finding Ben really easy to talk to and enjoying his company more than anyone else he had met, it felt normal and like they had known each other for a lifetime. He felt sad that he had to turn him down and as he got up to leave he asked if Ben wanted to get a beer another time, which Ben nodded enthusiastically to. 

Callum walked away from Ben and towards the door, stopping when he got there to turn back to where the other man was sitting. He was surprised that Ben wasn’t alone, in the thirty seconds it took him to get to the door someone had gone up to him and was leaning to say something in his ear. He wasn’t looking at Callum and he felt a pang of something in his gut, not quite sure what it was. As he was still looking, Ben’s eyes flicked to him and he smiled softly and nodded as a goodbye gesture. Callum raised his hand and gave a little wave before he cringed at himself and turned to walk out the bar. 

He headed back to the flat and let himself in, shouting out a hello to Whitney as he entered. She was stood in the kitchen cooking something on the hob, she turned to him with an irritated look on her face, annoyed their Callum had had the day off and she still had to come home and get dinner started. 

“Sorry about dinner Whit, I was sorting things out with Ben for the wedding”

Whitney’s expression softened at that, less angry that the reason he was late home was for wedding business, she smiled at him and asked if things were all arranged with him now and he confirmed they were. She smiled wider and stepped towards him, leaning up to kiss him and wrapping her arms around his waist. He kissed her back, softly at first but then deepening the kiss, his arms going around her and he backed her up against the worktop. She pulled back from him and turned the stove off, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. 

Back at the Albert Ben was talking to the guy who went up to him as soon as Callum left. The man was handsome and was propositioning him in double quick time, Ben told him he wanted a few drinks first but after the first he thought ‘fuck it’ and dragged the man into the toilets, shoving him into one of the cubicles and pushing him forcefully up against the wall. As Ben was pushing his way into the man’s body Callum was back at the flat having sex with Whitney, but neither man was thinking about the person they were currently with, instead picturing the blue eyes of each other. 


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next couple of weeks Ben and Callum met up a few times. It wasn’t always arranged though, after having never met before that night at the Albert, they seemed to run into each other all the time now and each time they did they stood and chatted for ages, sometimes ending up going for a drink. They nearly always ended up at the Albert, it being convenient and quiet in the day, just as Ben had told him it was. They got on well and found they enjoyed each other’s company, sometimes Ben swore Callum was giving him signals of interest but he decided it was wishful thinking. 

Callum found he was comfortable in the bar, OK it was rare there were many people in there when they were but on occasion there were a few other people. One time there were a couple of guys making out near them, Callum was trying to concentrate on what Ben was saying to him, but he felt his attention drifting to the sound of the men kissing each other and as he turned to look towards the sound he noticed one man was running his hand up the thigh of the other guy. He swallowed hard and watched as the hand reached the crotch, his mouth going dry and then he heard a noise and swung his hand round to see where it came from. 

Ben was smiling at him, his hand in the air and his fingers in a just clicked position. He laughed at Callum’s face, amused that his friend was so interested in the gay guys and the look on his face at being caught, like a rabbit in headlights but also something else he couldn’t place. 

“Gay guys kissing is just like you straight guys kissing you know”

He laughed, waggling his eyebrows and enjoying the uncomfortable look on Callum’s face before the other man dropped his head down, eyes looking at the floor, “yeah I know, it’s just…” he mumbled downwards, “it’s so strange to see people feel so confident”, Callum was trying his hardest to not look at Ben as he was speaking, not wanting to give anything away. 

“Strange?” Ben enquired, starting to feel annoyed at his attitude and thinking they were over the discomfort the other man might have felt about being around gay people, “should gay men not be allowed to feel confident about kissing in a gay bar?”

Callum’s head shot up at that, panicking he’d offended the other man again, not meaning it to come out like it did. Ben was looking at him with pursed lips, tightly scrunched together and his eyes had taken on a hard look. ‘Shit’ he thought to himself, the last thing he wanted was to annoy his new friend, they’d already had one misunderstanding over Callum’s possible issue with gay people. 

“I didn’t mean it like that”

“Then what did you mean because you’re not coming across very well here mate”

“I just meant I’m in awe of how confident they are to be who they are. How confident you are in your own skin. I wish I could feel as confident”

Ben’s face softened as Callum explained what he meant, the other man looked so earnest and innocent as he spoke and Ben knew he was telling the truth, he didn’t have a problem with gay people, he just didn’t understand them. But then a lot of people didn’t, at least Callum wasn’t a dick about it, if he had a question or a comment he just blurted it out, Ben would get pissy and after talking about it they moved on. 

“You seem pretty confident from where I’m sat mate, you got a pretty girl and you’re getting married. It’s all going well for you so I wouldn’t worry about it”

Ben smiled at him and tried to reassure him he wasn’t mad and Callum looked at him, a confused look on his face and his eyes betrayed how he was feeling, he looked like he wanted to ask something, his mouth starting to open, but then he shut it again. Ben swore he saw some pain behind his eyes and as he was about to ask about it Callum shut down, whatever Ben was about to ask him seemed pointless now and instead he asked if he wanted another drink. They had another round and then the older man announced that he needed to get off because Whitney was due home from work and he needed to get dinner started for her. 

“Proper little housewife you ain’t ya” 

Ben joked as Callum got up to leave, the other man just gave him a dopey grin and said bye as he headed off. Ben watched him go and was confused, he was trying his hardest to work out the guy but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. One minute it seemed like there was something brewing between them and the next he was running off, seemingly uncomfortable in his presence. Ben thought the other man didn’t even realise what he was doing and how he was coming across and wondered what was going on in his head. 

He stayed at the Albert for a bit longer, getting himself a beer and sitting at the table contemplating things. Callum was an enigma to him, he knew there was something bubbling under the surface but he couldn’t work out what. To the outside world he seemed happy enough, he was getting married to a girl he loved and who loved him, he had a family he chose for himself and a job and home he enjoyed. But why did he keep catching flashes of sadness in his eyes. When Callum didn’t think Ben was looking he seemed so lost in thought, as soon as he noticed Ben was looking back at him it was like a mask came down and he plastered a smile on his face. 

Ben thought he saw himself in the other man, the way he used to be before he admitted who he really was, but he really didn’t want to push him. If Callum did have his own secret then he was deeply in the closet, way more than Ben ever was. To be marrying a woman and sleeping with her, he didn’t know how he could do it and it made his skin itch at the thought, that one time with Lola was more than enough for him and he couldn’t even consider going back there. 

The wedding was only ten days away now, Callum didn’t have a lot of time to get out of it if he wanted to. If Ben’s hunch was right then he wanted to try and save him from himself, and save Whitney from being married to someone who realistically was unable to love her properly. But how to go about it, he didn’t want to push the man, scared if he approached him then he could baulk and hide even more. 

Up until then Callum has only been at the Albert one time when it was in full swing, when they came to see him sing the first time. All the other times it was in the afternoon when it was dead, feeling unassuming and unthreatening and like if could be anywhere and not a gay bar. Maybe, if he could get Callum back to when it was pulsing with life, men feeling free to be themselves and not worry about showing as much affection for one another as they wanted to, maybe he could crack through the man’s defences. 

He text Callum to invite him to come see him sing that night, after he finished feeding his wife to be of course. If he could get the other man to see the scene for what it was, he might feel more comfortable and Ben should be able to see if his hunch was right about him. He had a reply a little while later, Callum said he couldn’t as they had wedding plans they needed to sort out, but Ben wasn’t willing to give up that easily so he rang him. 

“This is wedding planning Callum, it’s research for the entertainment innit”

“We already have a set list planned”

“I had some ideas for different songs, I think you should come see”

“I don’t know, Whit wanted a night in with a movie”

“I’ve had an idea for a song for your first dance”

It was the one thing that really hadn’t been decided on, Callum had mentioned it to Ben and was hoping he could suggest something, so this was the perfect excuse to try and get him to the bar that night. 

“I guess, research is important” Callum smiled to himself as he gave into the invite. He told Ben he would be there and he’d see him later. Now all Ben had to do was let his mum know that he was singing that night, he didn’t usually perform on a Wednesday but she wouldn’t care, she was happy knowing that her son was enjoying himself and doing what he loved, takings were always good on the days he performed too. 

He rang his mum fast, getting her OK for the change of plans at the bar and then went onto the Prince Albert Facebook page to update it that he was performing. Everything was in place so he set up his equipment and popped home to get ready. He grabbed a quick bite to eat and had a shower, chucking on his favourite shirt and jeans combo and set off back to the bar. 

He got there about half an hour before his set was due to start and the word had got out fast, the place beginning to fill up more than it usually would midweek and there was a nice atmosphere forming. He had a few people greeting him as he arrived, men coming up to give him a kiss on the cheek or a hug, a couple propositioning him for later, he gave a half hearted “maybe” response and headed to the bar to get a drink. He helped himself to a shot and then grabbed a beer too, turning around to watch the door and waiting to see when Callum would show up. 

He didn’t need to wait long, soon enough Callum came walking through the door, looking hot Ben thought to himself. He was wearing jeans that looked like they were painted on, showing his lovely big thighs, a fitted shirt and his eyes were sparkling. There was just one problem though, he’d brought Whitney with him. Ben swore to himself at how stupid he’d been, of course he’d bring her along to a wedding related event, he was an idiot to think otherwise. 

Maybe he just hoped that Callum would be so happy at the thought of going to a heaving gay bar that he would just come merrily along by himself, excited to have the opportunity to mingle without his fiancée. He was never going to feel at ease in the place now, and more importantly Ben needed to come up with a bloody song quick smart to back up the pretence of why he lured Callum there to start with!

When Callum spotted Ben stood at the bar, he smiled and waved before he took Whitney’s hand and pulled her along with him to meet him, awkwardly leaning in for a hug and then standing back with an uncertain grin on his face. Ben nodded to them both in turn and said he’d come up with the perfect song for them, cringing that he was digging himself in deeper with not a clue what song he had in mind. He said “hope you kids enjoy it” and wondered off to the stage, quickly googling wedding songs on his phone as he walked and picked the first song on the first link he clicked on and had a backing track for. That would do. 

A round of applause and cheering greeted him as he took his place and picked up the microphone, announcing that his first song was something a little different to his usual set. He programmed the song into his system and started to sing, the Elton John song was a classic and could easily be misinterpreted as being the perfect song for most couples. As he sang the line “yours are the sweetest eyes, I’ve ever seen” he had a flash of blue in his mind and he looked over to where he knew Callum and Whitney were still standing. He caught them kissing and all over each other, clearly he picked the right song by accident and he was seemingly wrong about what he was thinking about with Callum with the way he was going at it with a girl.

As he continued the song he looked back at the crowd in front of him, making eye contact with a hot man directly to his left, he looked at him as he continued to sing, not knowing that while Callum was hugging Whitney he was glancing over towards him, wanting him to look back and was instead sad he was in the middle of having a moment with some bloke he didn’t know. Whitney pulled back from the hug and whispered in his ear that she loved this song and she wondered how did Ben know. She was very happy with the suggestion and they agreed on ‘Your Song’ as the perfect song for their first dance, especially the way that Ben singing it for them. 

He swayed with Whitney in his arms, beginning to feel overwhelmed. The wedding was fast approaching and it suddenly all felt so real, he was really going to do this. His eyes drifted back over to Ben who had now moved onto a different song, more of his usual style and he was moving his body along with the beat. Callum held Whitney tighter and felt tears in his eyes, the panic beginning to rise in his body and he started to feel hot and trapped. He said to her he needed the toilet and raced off to hide as Whitney was still watching the entertainment. Ben glanced over just as Callum ran off, he could see the look on his face and needed to go after him and check he was OK. He finished his song and told the crowd he would be back in a minute, heading off in the direction Callum had disappeared to and leaving the barmaid to play some songs in his absence.

He found him standing in front of a sink, hanging onto the ceramic bowl for dear life and breathing heavily. He looked up as Ben walked in and looked distraught, his eyes were red rimmed and there were tracks of tears running down his face. Ben’s heart hurt looking at him, seeing him in so much emotional pain and he regretted inviting him there tonight. He took a step towards the taller man, intending to reach out and touch his arm, hoping that some reassuring contact would help, but as he got closer Callum stood up straight and turned towards at him. 

Their eyes locked and it felt like the whole room was charged with energy and Ben swore he could hear the electricity crackling in the air around them. All time stopped and they were lost in each other’s blue eyes, neither made a move, just standing and staring and then Callum’s eyes dropped down to Ben’s mouth, just a flick of a movement before he looked back up to his eyes. Ben swallowed hard and reached his hand out, cupping Callum’s cheek and allowing the other man the space to decide what he wanted to do. It took mere seconds before Callum lowered his head to Ben’s face, closing his eyes he leaned in and touched his lips to Ben’s. Their lips were together for far too short of a time before Callum moved back out and opened his eyes, looking at Ben for confirmation that this was OK. Ben’s eyes looked at Callum’s lips before he leaned up and reconnected them, pulling Callum to him and kissing him desperately. 

Callum’s hands came up to Ben’s face, cupping it and keeping him close, licking into his mouth and realising it felt good, it was different from kissing Whitney, it was more charged and Ben’s stubble was rubbing on his but it felt glorious. He could feel something rising in his pants and as Ben’s hand on the back of his neck tightened, the kiss got more passionate and the other man moaned. It was as if it broke the spell, it might have gone straight to Callum’s cock but it reminded him of what he was doing and where he was. He suddenly pulled back from the smaller man who opened his eyes, looking confused as hell. He tried to step towards Callum but he stepped back, “I can’t” he whispered before he stepped around Ben and raced out of the toilets.

Ben was left confused and horny, his hunch about Callum turned out to have been right but now he knew for certain he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to help him, but if wasn’t willing to help himself what could he do. The erection he was on the way to getting settled back down and he checked himself out in the mirror before he headed back out to the bar, he still had a set to finish even if the only thing he wanted to do was to track down the runaway groom and find out what was going on in his mind. As he got back to the stage he looked over to where Callum and Whitney were stood, Callum had his arms around her and was kissing the top of her hair, trying his hardest to not look towards Ben. 

He picked up the microphone again and started to sing, trying to forget how it felt to have Callum kissing him and his big hands cupping his face. Not long after, when he was getting back into the swing of things he noticed the lovebirds were leaving, as they headed towards the door he tracked their movements. He hoped that Callum would look back as he was about to go but he didn’t, he just walked out holding hands with his beloved and didn’t give Ben a second glance. 


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next couple of days Ben tried to call and text Callum, wanting to check he was OK and saying that if he wanted to talk then he was there to listen with no judgement or pressure. The other man didn’t respond at all, giving Ben complete radio silence and blanking him entirely. Ben could feel himself getting annoyed with each failed attempt to talk to him and eventually he threw his phone across the room in anger and it smashed on the floor. Fuck Callum, it was his own funeral if he wanted to get married and ruin both their lives. 

Ben decided to give up on him, he wasn’t worth the hassle. Why was he wasting his time and energy on a man who was hell bent on pretending to be something he wasn’t when he could be using it to engage in something more pleasurable. He had no end of offers from guys, with so many names in his dating app or it would be easy to go pick someone up at the bar. It would be so simple to go find someone, drag them to bed and kick them out in the morning. Go back to how he was. 

But then he remembered how it felt to kiss Callum in the toilets. The rush that went through his entire body when the other man’s lips were on his, the way his skin burnt wherever his hands touched him, the electricity cursing through his veins as he allowed himself to be swept up in the moment. To feel alive for the first time in a long time, actually wanting to spend time with another man since Paul. He didn’t know if he could really walk away from it, but could he face the heartache that was bound to follow if he kept trying. 

He didn’t know what to do for the best, but he knew he was feeling horny. He decided he needed a warm body for the night, someone to take his mind off of Callum, so he scrolled through his app until he found the name of someone he remembered having a good time with and fired off a message on his tablet, his phone a broken mess in the bin. A reply came through almost immediately with a picture of a naked guy with a thumbs up, Ben smiled to himself and told him the address, the other guy had been there already but they were both drunk at the time and he doubted he remembered where he was. All he got back was a ‘there in half hour’ and he went and got in the shower, getting ready for company. 

When the guy arrived Ben pulled him into the flat without any pleasantries, pouncing on him and backing him up against the wall, attacking him with his mouth and running his hands down his body to cup at the growing bulge in the man’s jeans. The man groaned and kissed back hard, reaching round to grab at Ben’s arse and started to thrust his crotch into the hands grabbing at him. They pulled apart long enough for Ben to grunt out “bedroom now” before dragging the man behind him, pulling him through the door and shoving him on the bed. 

Much later, after getting his frustrations out with a willing participant he laid panting on the bed. He was exhausted after spending the last few hours having sex, having to go many times as he was so worked up over everything. His companion was laying unconscious next to him, having been fucked to within an inch of his life and feeling like he was floating on air with the way Ben had pulled multiple orgasms from him. 

Ben glanced at the man in his bed and felt pleased with himself, this was what he was good at. Sleeping with strangers, no feelings or strings attached. What did he think he was doing attempting to do anything with Callum, that was nothing but trouble and frankly it was something he didn’t need in his life. It wasn’t his responsibility to help all the baby gays come to terms with who they were. If he wanted to live in the closet then that was his problem. He eventually fell asleep feeling satisfied and sated, the exhaustion pulling him into a nice deep sleep. 

That night Callum was laying in bed next to his fiancée, she was sleeping and he was scrolling through his phone, looking back over the messages he’d had from Ben over the last few days. They started out caring and thoughtful, trying to check if he was OK and asking him to call him. But the last one he’d received that day was cold, telling him to not go crying to him when the marriage fell apart. Callum couldn’t blame him for getting angry at him, he would too if someone was treating him in the same way he was treating Ben. Leading someone on and running out on them was a cruel thing to do, but he didn’t intend for it to happen. 

He didn’t even know that he was going to kiss him until it happened. When they were looking at each other, with no words being exchanged he could feel the fluttering in his stomach, his heart was pounding and he could think of nothing else than to close the distance between them and kiss him. He couldn’t explain it, he’d never thought of kissing another man before but in that moment he couldn’t help himself. 

The way Ben was looking at him, sparkling blue eyes and concern on his face, real concern that showed him that he cared. His eyes darted to the plump inviting lips and he needed to taste them. When Ben reached out and touched his face he felt so alive, like he’d never felt before. If a single touch could cause that reaction what would it be like to to have his lips on the other man. He couldn’t stop himself, leaning down and closing his eyes he allowed himself to press his mouth to Ben’s. The feeling was incredible, almost too much and he had to pull back to compose himself before Ben was reaching to him to pull him back in. He was powerless to resist and he went back, kissing Ben with the passion he had never felt with anyone else. 

When Ben moaned it went straight to his dick, the hands on him, the tongue in his mouth and the sound he made was all too much, it overwhelmed him and he had to pull back. When he looked at Ben, panting hard with wet lips he realised what he’d done. Whitney was standing out in the bar and literally anyone could have walked in and saw them. He panicked and rushed out, away from Ben and back to the safety of his fiancée. They left soon after, Callum too ashamed to look back at Ben as they went, not wanting to see the hurt or disappointment on his face. 

Now laying in bed he felt cold and empty. He knew how he should be feeling, they were less than a week away from becoming husband and wife and his beautiful bride to be was sleeping soundly next to him, but he felt like his world was ending. He’d tried to send a message to Ben a few hours ago, asking him if they could meet up to talk but he hadn’t had a reply. He wasn’t surprised as Ben was angry at the way he was being treated. He’d tried to be nothing but a friend and Callum kissed him and ghosted him in return. 

He really needed to talk to somebody though and Ben was the only person who knew about this part of Callum that was hidden. He was the only person he could talk to and he was no longer an option. Callum felt so alone in that moment and he looked down to how calm and peaceful Whit was, jealous of her serenity. He couldn’t sleep so he got up and grabbed some clothes, heading out of the bedroom and getting dressed out in the lounge so as to not disturb Whitney. He looked at the clock and saw it was getting on to midnight, he didn’t know what to do or where to go but he knew that he needed to get out of the flat. 

He grabbed his keys and left his beautiful fiancée sleeping alone in their bed and started walking, he didn’t know where he was going to go so he just walked. It was only when he stopped moving that he looked up and saw where his feet had taken him. The Albert was still open, music playing softly and he could see some men still dancing through the window. He itched to go in but couldn’t make his feet move again, his mind blocking him from moving forwards and he wanted to turn away and go somewhere else. But his heart beat in his chest and it felt incredible, the adrenaline of being there, of considering going in and doing something, he very nearly convinced his body to propel forwards but in the end he failed. 

He took a couple of steps away from the bar and turned to walk away, retreating from what he could be and what he could have if he felt braver. He ended up sitting on the swing by the Arches, the scene of where he first felt something new and that wasn’t safe. Sitting there now he wished he could turn the clock back, back to three weeks ago before it all went to hell, back to before he met Ben Mitchell. Before him he was happy, he knew what he wanted and he was he happiest man alive to be marrying Whitney. 

Now he was miserable, he had been for the last few days. Walking away from Ben and not seeing him was tearing him up inside. He didn’t even realise it was possible to miss somebody you hardly knew but he did. He missed his cocky smile, his inappropriate innuendos and his seemingly carefree manner. He missed the man that was so confident in who he was that he would be making out with someone in their place of work, or chat a guy up in front of a virtual stranger like he had on one of their many meet ups for a coffee at the Albert. 

Most of all though he missed his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that Callum swore saw straight through him and could see who he really was. He’d never felt the way he did when Ben looked at him before, like he saw his soul and recognised the man underneath the skin. He felt like he got Ben too, he knew that while he acted carefree, Ben had a hidden pain deep inside. He didn’t know what it was but he knew that he wanted to pull him to him, wrap his arms around him and comfort him. He wondered how the other man had gone through life for so long without anyone else seeing that in him, but it was very rare Ben let himself seem vulnerable. 

Callum knew that he wore his arrogance as an armour, desperate to not let anyone see the hurt he held. He allowed only flashes of it break through, trying his hardest to keep it under wraps and not let anyone see any perceived weakness. It was only when he felt entirely relaxed, calm in the right company that the armour dropped slightly and he couldn’t hide it anymore. As soon as he noticed Callum looking at him with any ounce of sadness he raised that shield back up and made a dirty reference, trying to divert the atmosphere as best he could. 

The older man knew he’d seen something in the Ben that he rarely showed people and he was honoured, even if Ben was trying his hardest to pretend it had never happened. He knew they connected, even if it scared the shit out of him to consider that he might have feelings for a man. He wanted to pretend it wasn’t there and it wasn’t happening. He’d tried for days but it wasn’t working. He threw himself into trying to be the perfect fiancé, doing housework, cooking dinner and trying to take off some of the pressure off of Whit with the wedding favours and shit she had to put together. But it wasn’t working. All he could think of was Ben. 

When he kissed Whitney he remembered what Ben tasted like. When he stroked Whitney’s face he missed the stubble he felt on the other man’s face. When he reached down to cup at her breasts it felt wrong now. He didn’t remember it feeling wrong before, but now he could think of nothing else than it wasn’t right. She tried to encourage him, moaned as he touched her but he couldn’t concentrate. All he could see in his mind was Ben’s face and he felt guilty. Guilty that he wasn’t thinking about the most beautiful girl in the world as he was kissing her and guilty he was kissing someone that wasn’t Ben. 

Now Whitney was asleep alone in their bed and he was sat out in the square at midnight, loitering around in a children’s playground like a weirdo. He really needed to talk to Ben but he was scared he wasn’t going to answer his phone so he decided to go to his flat and try to talk in person. He was worried about seeing him, how he would feel about standing so close to him again but he was desperate to talk and knew he needed to do it. 

He walked through the square to where Ben lived, walking down the stairs to the basement flat and knocked quietly, aware of the time and not wanting to wake his neighbours up. There was no answer so he tried again a little harder. He heard some rustling on the other side of the door and suddenly the door was being pulled open. Nothing could prepare Callum for the sight of Ben that night. Just a pair of boxers thrown on and nothing else except for a pair of glasses. His face was puffy from sleep and his hair was damp and sticking up all over the place. He had love bites and teeth marks over his neck and chest and there was a bruise forming over one of his nipples. 

He looked like he’d been shagged through a hedge backwards and Callum felt suddenly embarrassed at being there. Clearly Ben wasn’t at home pining for him but was out having a good time and here he was about to spill his guts to him. Ben was rubbing under the glasses at one of his eyes, still half asleep from being woken up. He finally focused on the man stood on his doorstep and felt exposed. He wished he was wearing a dressing gown so he had something to put around his body, help him to hide somewhat from Callum’s gaze.

They stood staring at each other for a moment and then Callum looked down to look at the floor, not sure what to say now he was stood in front of the other man. He closed his eyes briefly and then looked up, back at Ben and as he was about to say something he looked over the other man’s shoulder just as a naked man walked out of the bedroom and headed to the bathroom. Callum’s mouth went dry and Ben noticed him looking behind him, he spun around just as he saw the door closing and he knew Callum had seen his company for the night. He found himself feeling guilty and he had no idea why. Just a few hours ago he was angry with Callum and was ready to wash his hands with him, but the look on the other man’s face was breaking his heart. He went to say something but Callum stepped away and apologised for disturbing him before he went rushing off.

“Shit” Ben said to the empty space where Callum had been stood. 


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Ben kicked the guy out, he was going to do it after the unexpected guest last night but when he saw the man’s perfect arse again he decided one more time wouldn’t hurt since he’d already scared Callum off anyway. 

Ben had had a good night in truth, it was nice to wake up with somebody in the morning as it didn’t happen often. Whatever could have been with the soon to be married Mr Highway was never going to happen, not now. The look on his face when he saw Ben had company was pure disgust, there was no hope there. Ben was done with being ashamed of what he was and he wasn’t going to feel judged by a closet case. 

He fished his broken phone out of the bin and retrieved his SIM card, he knew he needed to go buy a new one after smashing it yesterday, it was the first thing on his list of things to do today. After he’s gone and had a shower to wash off the stench of sex of course. 

Callum woke up that morning on the sofa of his flat, after he’d ran off from Ben’s door he couldn’t face climbing back into bed with Whitney. When he’d seen the other man in that state, in just his pants and clearly having spent most of the night having mind blowing sex with somebody who knew what he was doing, it hurt. 

He knew it was his own fault, the way he’d acted and ignored him, he didn’t blame him for going out and sleeping with someone, Ben owed him nothing. In amongst his own guilt he had been horny too, the memories of kissing Ben doing things to him, attempting to put the man out of his mind while he was having sex with Whitney. He felt disgusted with himself, how he’d kissed Ben and ran out on him, and was using his fiancée in place of who he really wanted to be with. If the younger man was feeling half as horny as he was he couldn’t blame him for seeking out some random guy. Callum wished it was him though and he hated himself for making such a mess out of things. 

Just then Whitney walked out of the bedroom and looked curiously at Callum laying on the sofa, she was confused when she woke up and he wasn’t there, assuming he’d had an early start. But with him on the sofa with a blanket she wondered why he’d slept there and not in their bed with her.

“You ok babes?” She asked as she went over to sit in the chair next to the sofa, noting that he didn’t look as though he’d had any sleep at all. He looked at her sadly and her stomach dropped. She wasn’t stupid, she knew something had changed within their relationship lately and she hoped it would blow over, but seeing how Callum looked right now she wasn’t so sure it was something they could ignore any longer.

It felt like he’d been a different man in the last month or so, the confidence he’d gained lately hadn’t gone unnoticed and she’d enjoyed how much more passionate he’d become, wishing to believe it was a turning point in their lives for the better and not allowing herself to dwell on the fact that the change came about after their first visit to a gay bar. 

She loved Callum so much, he was the first guy who’d treated her well, being shy and unsure to start with and not being a love em and leave em kinda guy. She appreciated his innocence and she’d loved being able to bring him out of his shell, to coax him from being a virgin to a sexual being. She found it strange that a 28 year old could still be a virgin, it was very rare for a guy to wait so long and she did question in her own mind why… but she wanted to believe it was just because he’d never found the right girl, truly believing she was the woman for him.

She’d thrown herself into the wedding planning, looking forward to becoming Mrs Highway. The distraction of wedding planning helping to stop her questioning if this was really the right thing to do. They hadn’t been together for that long really, and Callum had never had a girlfriend before, she worried that he was jumping in with both feet before he ready but she’d had so much heartache in the past that all she wanted was a happy and loving marriage. She could gloss over the feeling in the pit of her stomach that something wasn’t quite right if she focused on something else.

That night they went to meet the wedding singer for the first time was when it all changed. When they got home Callum couldn’t stop talking about him, she thought it was sweet and was happy to think that he was going to make a new friend, and when they’d made love that night it was something else. Afterwards she laid in his arms, satisfied with the sex but chewing on her thumbnail as a seed of doubt started to creep into her mind. 

Callum became slightly distant and clearly had something on his mind, Whitney noticed immediately but chose not to ask him about it. She didn’t want to know the answer and risk losing what they had. She realised now it the wrong decision, they were so close to the wedding and Callum looked miserable and that he wanted to be anywhere but there with her. 

Callum sat up and moved to the end of the sofa closest to where Whitney was sat in the chair, he reached out and took her hand in his, grasping it with both his hands and looking at her sadly. 

“I love you so much Whit”

“I love you too”

“The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you”

Whitney felt sick, she knew where this was going and he was looking at her like he was ripping his own heart out. She could see he had tears forming in his eyes and he was struggling to find to the words, his mouth opening and closing multiple times with nothing coming out. As much as this hurt she knew what she needed to do. 

“You don’t want to marry me do you”

Callum dropped his head down and cried. Whitney reached out with her other hand and placed it on his cheek, wanting to comfort him even though he was breaking her heart. He raised his head up to look back at her, the internal struggle he was going through was obvious and she felt like all she wanted to do was hug him and tell him it was ok. It wasn’t though, they were both hurting now and although she loved him she was angry that he’d waited until now to talk to her. 

“Callum, are you gay?”

He was still looking at her, the tears flowing and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to chew on it as he nodded his head in the smallest motion she’d ever seen, like he was so scared to admit it in a gesture let alone in words out loud. Her heart hurt, she’d been so ignorant hoping that if she ignored her concerns they would go away. If he couldn’t be strong enough to admit it when she needed to be the one who should have brought it up when she first began to suspect, but she didn’t want to lose him and what they had.

This should have been addressed weeks ago and they’ve wasted so much time. Her head started to hurt now as well, a banging tension headache had taken hold with the stress of knowing she’d have to start ringing around and cancelling all the things they had booked for the wedding. Callum was still looking at her, silently begging her to not hate him so she got up and moved to sit next to him, putting her arms around him to let him know she didn’t hate him. 

They spent the morning talking and going over everything, Whitney needed to know for her own peace of mind what was going on with him. Did he always know he was gay, has he cheated on her, did he ever really love her because how could he if he was gay. He tried to explain how he felt, that his whole life he’d been told that being gay was wrong, his dad and brother and then the culture in the army. He’d never been able to even think about it because in his own head it wasn’t ever a possibility, he wasn’t allowed to be gay. 

He told her that he loved her more than anyone he ever met and it was breaking his heart that he couldn’t marry her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, getting married, having a family and be normal. At that she hugged him tighter and told him he was normal, that his family were wrong and there was nothing wrong with being gay. He needed to be able to accept who he was to live his life and be happy. It hurt her to think of a little kid, just starting to realise there was something different about him to be too scared to able to say it. 

If Callum had a better family, a family like the Carters then he’d have had a completely different life. By now he’d be comfortable with who he was, maybe even settled down with a nice boy and starting a family with him instead. As much pain as she was in she knew he was hurting too, she’d had so much hurt in her life already, spent so much time being angry and hateful that she didn’t want to do it now. She wanted to keep him as a friend because despite what’s happened, he was a good man. Even when he admitted that he kissed Ben she still knew she wanted him in her life. 

“So the wedding singer huh?” She asked him, hurt but curious. He blushed and explained what happened, worried he was going to upset her but she just smiled gently at him and stroked his hand in a comforting gesture. 

“I’ve made a mess of everything Whit. I’ve hurt you and I’ve blown it with him”

“I don’t know, I think it would help it you talked to him, you haven’t since you kissed him have you so how do you know”

“I went to his flat last night, he had company”

“And?”

“He’s moved on Whit, it’s too late”

“Babes, he hooked up with a guy, that’s not moving on. Go. Talk. To. Him”

She was looking at him sternly now, one of her eyebrows raised and she was pouting, tilting her head to one side. He knew she was right but he was scared. He’d messed Ben around so much at this point and he didn’t think he was worth the hassle he’d caused. But he did need to know for sure so he nodded at her and agreed. Reaching out to give her a massive hug and whisper in her ear that he loved her. She scrunched her eyes shut and hugged him back, before she pulled away and looked at him. 

“I love you too, now go get your man”. He stood up and popped to the bathroom, having a quick wash before he paused in the doorway and looked back at Whit and smiled, then he turned away and left the flat, Whitney sat on the sofa and allowed herself to cry, she was being strong for him but she really did love him, so much that she was willing to let him go and be who he was meant to be even though it hurt like hell. She took her phone out and scrolled to the number of the venue for the wedding and pressed dial, she needed to start cancelling their plans. 

When Callum stepped out onto the street he didn’t know how he felt. The fresh air was helping to clear his head but the world he was walking into was entirely different to world he used to be in. To go from safe and calm with Whitney to scary and new as a gay man was terrifying. He’d been able to admit the truth to her but he didn’t know if he as brave enough to come out to everyone else. He’d spent the first 28 years of his life desperately trying to be someone else, how could he be something else now. 

He watched as people walked past, everybody just going about their lives and the world kept on turning, just because he’d been honest with Whit it didn’t meant the world was going to end. This should be the first day of the rest of his life, he just needed to get his head around it. He took a deep breath and walked away from the door to his flat, not sure if he should go see Ben now or wait until he’d had time to process the morning’s events. The decision was made for him when Whit rang his phone, telling him to move his arse and stop overthinking things. She was leaning out the window and told him to look up, he did and she smiled at him and told him to go change his life. 

He smiled back at her and nodded, he couldn’t believe he had such a wonderful person in his life, someone who was so selflessly encouraging him even though she must be in pain, pain that he’d caused. He knew there was a reason he loved her and he was thankful that she was able to see past what he’d done and accept him for who he was. He turned to walk in the direction of the square so he could go see Ben. He paused in the middle of the garden, holding onto the iron bar of one of the fences and looked at Ben’s front door. He wondered if the man from last night was still there and how awkward this was going to end up being. 

He propelled himself forwards and headed to the flat, stepping down the stairs and raising his hand to knock on the door. Just as he was about to tap on it it opened, Ben was shocked to see someone there as he opened the door and he had a slice of toast hanging out is his mouth, his hair was still damp and he looked to be in a rush. Callum immediately felt like he was intruding and shouldn’t be there. His head was telling him to run away, apologise and get out of there fast but his heart was in control now. He needed to say what he was going to say and get it off his chest. He’d broken Whitney’s heart and it needed to not be in vain. 

“Hi”

“Hey”

“Are you alone”

Ben looked behind him to the empty flat and nodded at him, still chewing on the slice of toast he was holding, not being cold but acting guarded. 

“Can we talk please?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea Callum, I need to…”

“The wedding’s off”

Callum blurted out and interrupted Ben’s sentence, whatever he was going to say hung in the air and vanished, his face taking on a surprised look and he tilted his head, finishing off his breakfast and brushing his hands together to get rid of the crumbs on his fingers. He looked at Callum and didn’t say anything so Callum elaborated, “I told her I’m gay”. He took a deep breath and dropped his head, saying the words out loud for the very first time was overwhelming and he was panicking slightly when Ben wasn’t saying anything. Maybe he’d misread things, maybe when he kissed him just felt sorry for him and he wasn’t interested in him in that way. He started to think he made a massive mistake by going to Ben’s flat but then he felt a hand brushing against his and suddenly Ben was holding his hand. 

“Well duh”

Callum looked up to see Ben smiling sympathetically at him, his eyes were warm and his features open. He looked genuinely pleased and maybe Callum wasn’t wrong after all. They locked eyes for a moment, and Callum felt himself smiling back, the relief of being able to say who he was and to be stood in front of someone he was beginning to develop feelings for was incredible. Callum reached a hand out and touched Ben’s cheek, he closed his eyes at the contact and Callum loved the feeling of stubble under his finger tips. Ben opened his eyes and was inviting Callum to kiss him without words, wanting it to be Callum to take the step and make the first move. 

The taller man stepped closer and lowered his head, bringing his face so close that he could smell the butter and marmite that was still on Ben’s breath. Closing his eyes he moved closer until their lips met. It was chaste and gentle but Callum felt the fireworks exploding through his body, the smallest of contact having an incredible effect on him. He pulled back and watched as Ben opened his eyes and looked deep into them, they both smiled again and Callum ducked his head to kiss him again, harder this time and Ben’s hand reached up to grab behind his neck, bringing Callum in closer to him. 

Eventually they pulled apart and rested their foreheads against each other, looking into one another’s eyes and enjoying the closeness. Standing in the doorway of Ben’s flat, with the rest of the world passing by felt like the place he wanted to be. This was just the start of things and he couldn’t wait to see what the future would bring. 

“Ben Mitchell, will you go out with me”

Ben considered it for a minute, mock pretending to be unsure before he kissed Callum again, excited about getting to know the real man. Callum asked if he wanted to go inside but Ben shook his head, he really did have somewhere he needed to be and the older man had such a sad look on his face that Ben asked if he wanted to go with him. He smiled enthusiastically and stepped back so Ben could shut his front door and let Ben walk ahead of him up the stairs to the street. Ben stood above him and put his hand out towards him, Callum looked at it, looked at the smile on Ben’s face and put his hand in it, taking the last couple of steps to be on the same level with him. They walked hand in hand along the street and headed off to the phone shop. 


	8. Chapter 8

Callum was worried it would be a difficult transition, to go from marrying a woman to coming out as gay, but it actually went OK. To her credit Whitney was amazing and he thought there were very few women who would be so welcoming and forgiving to somebody who broke their heart. She was truly the best woman he had ever known and he held some serious guilt about the way things went down. He almost wished as though he could turn the clock back to when they first met and never go on a date. If he’d known who he was back then they could have been best friends from the outset and saved a world of heartbreak. 

Whitney never blamed him and she understood why he found it so hard to accept who he really was. They had many heart to hearts and it felt as though eventually they could get to the stage that they could be really good mates. She still loved him but as the time past she realised she wasn’t in love with him anymore, the feelings morphing into that of loving a really good friend or family member. 

Above everything else she was desperate for him to be happy. She knew he’d never have been happy with her and she was grateful that he was finally able to come clean before they’d made the situation a whole lot worse and actually get married. She hoped that he would get to be happy with Ben, but things were taking a while to get going there. She’d started to get to know her not wedding singer since it all went down and she liked him. He was confident and outgoing, everything she thought would be good for Callum. She wanted to knock their heads together they were taking so long to sort their shit out, but she knew they both had their own issues to work through. 

After their doorstep kiss it would be nice to think that things would be easy. They both knew they fancied each other and neither wanted to admit that the feelings were already starting to run a little deeper than just attraction. However Callum was nervous of jumping straight into another relationship after nearly marrying somebody though. He felt like he needed a bit of time to come to terms with who he was and to accept that what he told himself his entire life was a lie. 

Ben understood, he had his own difficult journey to accepting himself as well, and he wasn’t about to force the matter. He knew Callum needed to come to terms with things in his own time, he just hoped it didn’t take too long and when he was ready to start dating properly he would give him a call. Their ‘date’ to the phone shop didn’t go according to plan. As they walked holding hands along the street they got closer to the Vic and as Mick opened the door and stepped out, Callum pulled his hand away from Ben’s grasp as if he’d been burnt. Ben looked at him and pursed his lips, a bit hurt by the other man’s actions but he needed to remind himself it was a big step, coming out to family and friends. 

Callum said hello to Mick nervously, overcompensating his nerves by being ridiculously friendly and upbeat. Ben gave him some serious side eye at that, seeing the mask that Callum wore fall into place so easily, playing a part and trying to be someone else and being too scared to really be himself. Once they were out of sight of people they knew Ben asked him about it. 

“Do you know you do that?”

“What?”

“Act a part with people”

“I guess I do… I’ve always been ‘Halfway’ to people, the stupid one who does silly things, I suppose it was easy to hide behind that person, if I kept being him then I wouldn’t have to be me”

Ben stopped walking and looked at him, it took Callum a couple of steps to realise Ben had stopped and when he did he turned to see where he’d gone, Ben had a sad look on his face and he looked like he was contemplating things. He stepped towards Callum and put his hand on his shoulder. 

“I don’t know why you don’t want to be you, you’re pretty great”

Callum blushed and Ben thought it was adorable, the way the pink was creeping up his neck and his ears were an almost fluorescent colour, but he was looking at the ground and was clearly not great at taking compliments. Callum eventually looked back up and smiled, then Ben let his hand slide down his arm and let his hand settle, touching Callum’s hand and just holding it there and letting the other man decide if he wanted to hold it. Just then a group of teenagers noisily walked past and kicked a bin, breaking the calm between them. The older man jumped back at the unexpected interruption and looked around. 

Ben knew he wasn’t really ready for this so he told he had to go, and to give him a call and they’d meet for a drink later. Callum looked disappointed but he appreciated the other man giving him an out, he realised Ben was right and it was too much too soon. He needed to process things and it made him like Ben all the more that he could see that too. 

“I will call you Ben, I really will”

“I know, you’ll get there”

Ben reached out again and gave Callum’s hand a reassuring squeeze before he carried on walking down the street leaving Callum standing alone. He stood thinking for a moment and didn’t know where to go. He didn’t feel like he could back to the flat, Whitney was there and while they were OK he felt like he needed to give her some space, and honestly he was worried she’d tell him off for not working it out with Ben already. He could go sit in the cafe for a while, have a drink and breakfast, but his stomach was churning and he didn’t think he could keep it down. Alone with his thoughts he was working himself up, trying to work out what he was going to tell people about the wedding and about why it was cancelled.

After taking a few deep breaths he decided to head back to the Vic. He may have freaked out slightly at the thought of Mick seeing him and Ben holding hands but he knew it was irrational. He’d heard all about Mick’s son coming out and was aware that Mick was nothing but supportive, pictures of his son sat happily all around the flat above the pub. He figured that if was going to come out then the best place to start would be with someone who he considered family and who was already accepting of his own gay son. 

He was right, Mick had the same reaction to him as he had to Johnny, embracing him and telling him he was proud. He was a little surprised since Callum was due to be married in a week but he was pleased that he was finally able to be who he was meant to be. When Callum told him he was worried about how everyone else would act he told him not to worry, “there is always someone with better gossip than you boy” he reassured him. And he wasn’t wrong. Callum told a few people, they told a few more and before he knew if it was around the whole Square. 

Some people gave him a hard time, but that was due to their anger at how he treated Whitney rather than the fact he was gay, but as soon as Whit told people to back off since she was ok with it and so should they be, they backed off. Within a day or two it was almost as if it hadn’t happened. He was just him, still going about his life, in the same job with the same friends, it’s just people now knew he liked men and they really didn’t care. It made him wistful that he’d wasted so much time and was scared for so long when he really didn’t need to be. 

After a couple of weeks he’d started to get his head around things, everything was straight In his mind and he felt like he was ready to go on a date with Ben. He hadn’t heard from him in that time but he wasn’t surprised, he appreciated the fact the other man was willing to give him the space he needed to work out what he wanted. When he eventually rang him though he didn’t answer, he left a message and when he’d not heard back the next day he text him too, again he didn’t have a reply and was flummoxed. He knew what he wanted now but as the days ticked on with no response from Ben he started to get nervous and paranoid. 

Eventually Callum got worried enough to seek Ben out, going to his place of work to see if he could speak to him in person. He found him sitting at the desk in the corner, the same desk that he’d seen him hooking up with a guy the only other time he’d been there. Ben was leaning back in his chair, his feet were crossed up on the desk and he was lost in a world of his own, looking off into space and not noticing that Callum was now standing right next to him. Callum coughed to alert him to the fact he was there and Ben snapped out of his own head, blinking and looking towards him. 

Callum tried smiling at him by way of a greeting but the other man just looked at him with a blank stare, Callum came over feeling cold all of a sudden, the chill in the room getting frostier by the second. Ben crossed his arms and made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t in mood for company and the older man was lost and confused by the other man’s attitude. The last time they’d met he’d told him to take time and to call him when he was ready, but now he’s here and ready Ben clearly wasn’t interested anymore. He had to try though. 

“How have you been? I tried calling you but…”

“I’m sorry but this isn’t going to happen” Ben interrupted as he gestured between them

“What do you mean? You said to call you when I’d sorted things out in my head, what’s changed?”

“I’m just not interested mate”

“No I don’t believe that, there’s something between us”

“Nah mate, sorry”

Callum was so confused, he really thought they had something and now Ben was acting as if he was acting like some lovesick kid while he felt nothing. He was looking at the other man, trying to read him and what his face was telling him but it was completely blank, utterly devoid of emotion and it sent a chill through him. 

“But… have you met someone, is that it?”

“Yeah I did. Sorry”

A simple short explanation, Callum couldn’t argue with that. It had been weeks since they’d thought about going on a date, Ben wasn’t somebody who had a problem meeting guys and Callum had seen him with more than one guy in a compromising position. He shouldn’t be surprised that he wouldn’t wait around, there must be a queue of men who would want to go out with him and he couldn’t blame them. He berated himself in his head, he was such an idiot waiting too long and losing his chance, giving the other man the opportunity to meet someone new while he dithered. 

“Thanks for telling me, maybe I’ll see you around sometime Ben”

Ben continued to look at him emotionless and Callum knew that was it, apparently friendship wasn’t even going to be an option here and he felt sad. Ben was a great guy and he’d enjoyed spending time with him and getting to know him. The fact that he seemingly never wanted to see him again was really hurting and Callum felt as though they were going through a breakup as sad as that sounded. He glanced at Ben one last time and tuned to leave, wishing the other man would stop him, but he didn’t. He left the Arches and any chance he had of something with the first guy he’d been attracted to disappeared. 

Ben watched him leave and released the breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding. His heart was racing and it felt like he was going to faint. That was a whole lot harder than he thought it was going to be. It had been weeks since he saw Callum and he forgot the effect he had on him. While he wasn’t around it was easy to tell himself that he didn’t want him and he felt nothing, but now he knew that wasn’t true. He did want him, but he couldn’t have him. 

Ben had spent the last three years of his life distancing himself from anyone who might end up meaning something to him. The pain of losing the man he loved still weighed heavy on him now, not being able to forget the night it happened, how they’d been separated and feeling so guilty that if he’d stuck around Paul would still be alive. He remembers like it was yesterday when his dad told him that his ‘friend’ was dead, the pain he felt in that moment was matched by the anger he felt at his dad’s dismissive attitude to his boyfriend and what they had. 

He swore he would never feel like that again, and he hadn’t. Ever since then he’d never allowed anyone to get close to him, keeping them at arms length and relying on casual sex and hook up apps to satisfy his sexual needs. He knew he couldn’t afford to let his heart love again, it couldn’t take being broken a second time. He’d never had an issue up until then, he found it relatively simple to keep men at a distance, the scene he hung out in was all about the fuck and go crowd. Happy to shag someone and never see them again. That was good for so long and he felt like he was safe, safe from the emotional harm an actual relationship could produce.

That was until a certain blue eyed groom to be came into his life. He’d felt the sparks the very first time he set eyes on him, and when they shook hands it confirmed it. When he’d shown up on his doorstep, determined to ask him out he was overwhelmed. He was completely swept up in the moment and didn’t allow himself time to think it over, agreeing to it without due thought. When Callum acted so scared and unsure when they were walking down the street together it started to sober him up. 

When Callum backed off first Ben it gave him time to think it through. He was happy to wait for Callum to work out what he wanted but it gave him the opportunity to talk himself out of it. He knew he was already developing feelings for the man after a short amount of time, if he allowed himself time he knew where it could end up. He wasn’t going to let that happen, he needed to protect his own heart and more importantly protect Callum from him. Pain and violence followed him around, it was his mouth and attitude that led to Paul’s death and if he let Callum near him then he would ruin him as well. 

No, a clean break was what was needed. Ben made the decision relatively quickly, he’d gone home and fished the photo of he and Paul that he kept in a drawer out to look at it. The matching smiling faces of the pair of them, so happy and in love, with their whole lives ahead of them. It hurt too much to have the picture out on show, it simply reminded him of what he’d lost and now it was telling him to not make the same mistake again. Ben brushed Paul’s curls in the photo, trying to remember how they felt on his fingertips but time was making it hard now. He closed his eyes and tried to remember how it felt to hold and kiss him but his memory let him down and he shoved the photo back in the drawer in anger. Only a day or two later he’d made up his mind, the memories of the pain he felt after Paul were fresh again and his head was ruling over his heart. 

So now Ben had told Callum that there was someone else, but there wasn’t. He’d considered going and finding someone to take home many times over the last couple of weeks, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t want a stranger, he wanted Callum but he knew he couldn’t so now he was just horny and miserable. When Callum walked out of the Arches it almost felt as though Ben could go and find someone else now, they were definitely not going to happen so he was a free agent and he wouldn’t be cheating on the other man in his head. He just needed a willing body for the night, somebody he could kick out after and there would be no feelings involved. How things usually were for him, simple and uncomplicated. 

Over the next couple of weeks Callum threw himself into being a gay man, or at least he tried. He went to the Prince Albert a few times, mainly on nights he knew for sure that Ben wasn’t going to be there performing as he didn’t want to risk running into the man. That bar was the only gay bar he knew and he was too scared to go find somewhere else thinking that staying local was a good idea. Bless Whitney even said she would go with him, being just the best friend he could ever hope for. She was sympathetic over the Ben situation, she just wanted him to be happy and was angry that the other man had rejected him. When Callum originally told her about it she wanted to march round and smack him one, but Callum told her not to, he hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Callum did start talking to somebody on his first night out, it didn’t take very long at all before someone approached him and offered to buy both he and Whit a drink. Never one to turn down a free drink, Whit accepted on his behalf and when the guy leaned in and asked him if he wanted to go home with him not long after Callum seriously considered it. In the end though he couldn’t, he felt like he didn’t want his first time to be some one night stand with a stranger. He wanted more and realised that maybe the rigmarole of casual hook ups wasn’t for him. 

Whitney convinced him to go back to the bar again a short time later, telling him it didn’t mean he was going to shag someone but it would be good to experience that part of the scene. He agreed and thought they could just have a few drinks and enjoy themselves. They did, they drank, danced and had a good time and when some bloke came up to talk to him the alcohol made him feel braver than the last time. He ended up kissing this guy on the dance floor, completely unaware that Ben was there that night and saw him. The other man was shocked, not expecting to see him there at all let alone kissing some guy. He left not long after, grabbing some bloke who’d been giving him the eye all night along the way and taking him home with him. Callum was oblivious with his tongue down the man’s throat but Whitney noticed Ben leave and the look on his face when he saw Callum. 

A week later Whitney ran into Ben in the street, he tried to put his head down and walk straight past but she put her hand out and grabbed hold of his arm, determined to talk to him. He took a deep breath and stopped, turning to face her with a neutral look and not giving anything away. Whitney felt the same chill from him that Callum told her he felt back in the Arches. 

“Can we talk Ben?” 

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about”

“Callum” 

Whitney noticed he flinched slightly at the name, the blank look on his face melted for a moment and Whitney swore she saw some warmth in his blue eyes before he managed to school his features back to their original state. 

“He really likes you, why can’t you have at least one date”

“I don’t think so…”

“I know you don’t have a boyfriend, I saw you at the Albert, going home with some random”

“That was my boyfriend”

“Bullshit”

They stared at each other for a while. The ex Mrs Highway to be wasn’t going to leave this and she was like a dog with a bone, maybe if he told her and explained the situation she would understand. If she knew the truth then she would be just as eager to keep Callum away from him as he was, knowing it was far safer to keep him out of Ben’s orbit than to be near him. 

“I got my boyfriend killed” He blurted out, the admission shocking Whitney into a stunned silence. She looked at him and opened her mouth, nothing came out and she shut it again. Ben gave a brief outline what happened, how he’d wound the guys up and without him mouthing off his lover would still be alive, taking full responsibility for his death. 

“You see why Callum is better off without me. I’d just hurt him or get him hurt. He’ll be safer without me and I like him too much to allow anything bad to happen to him. He needs somebody good, not somebody like me”

“Ben, what happened wasn’t your fault”

“It was, I gave them lip, they might not of attacked otherwise”

“Ben, it was them not you. They did it and it wasn’t your fault. They are responsible for their actions, you can’t blame yourself”

“I bring pain to everything I touch, I’m no good”

“I don’t believe that, Callum is a good judge of character and he likes ya, there must be a reason”

Ben looked at her then and she was staring at him with a sympathetic look on her face, her eyes soft and glistening with sadness at what happened and her hand was still on his arm, it was loose though and she ran it down to take his hand in hers. 

“Ben, what happened was evil and horrible but it wasn’t your fault. You can’t spend your life punishing yourself for something you had no control over”

Ben smiled sadly and pulled his hand away from Whitney before he turned and walked away. She felt bad for him and could see why he was so scared to try and make a go of things with Callum considering his past, but she also knew it was unfounded, his boyfriend’s death wasn’t his fault and she wished he could see that himself. There wasn’t anything she could do, she couldn’t change his mindset but she could at least let Callum know the real reason Ben was ignoring him. 

Later, when she’d had a chance to talk to Callum he had the same reaction as her, “that’s not his fault though.” She shrugged and agreed saying that he was too scared of anything happening to Callum that he’d rather go through his life without having another relationship than risk someone he cared about getting hurt. Callum looked at her then, picking up on the fact that Ben very clearly cared about him if he was distancing himself from him. He knew what he had to do, with confirmation there was still something there he was going to have to try and talk to the other man again.

When Callum popped by the Arches Ben was alone, he was working on a car and lost in his own world with the radio playing but when Callum said hello, he stopped what he as doing and stood up. Turning round to look at him he tried to hide the excitement of seeing the older man, attempting to remain cold and calm. But as they stood staring at each other without words Ben felt something in his stomach fluttering. It was the first time they’d been face to face in nearly a month and the intensity of the stare was getting to them both. Callum had so much he wanted to say but when faced with him he couldn’t seem to get any of it out. 

Suddenly Ben took a step towards him, the look on his face still cold but as he stepped into Callum’s personal space they both felt their hearts racing and when Ben reached out and grabbed the back of his neck to pull him down to meet him Callum went willingly. Their lips met in a hard and frenzied kiss, hands grabbed at each other and Ben moaned in a way that went straight to the other man’s dick. Ben pulled away and went to the desk, sweeping the paperwork to one side and sat on it, beckoning Callum over to him and letting him settle between his spread legs.

Callum ducked his head down and kissed Ben again while the younger man reached behind and grabbed at his arse, pulling the other man closer and manoeuvring him so their hardening cocks were lined up. He started to move his hips in a way that made Callum moan into the kiss and he started to thrust back, each time they rubbed against each other it got them a little closer. The older man wasn’t used to the sensations and as he had Ben kissing him and with the assault on his dick he couldn’t last, he came with a grunt as Ben continued his movements, the warm feeling coming from him spreading to Ben’s crotch and he came not long after. 

Callum’s legs gave out on him and he fell onto Ben, pushing him up against the wall and he buried his face in Ben’s neck, breathing in deeply and trying to come back down to earth. He felt Ben’s hand on the back of his head, his fingers began to slowly stroke through his hair and he felt like he could stay there in that position forever. Eventually though he realised he was uncomfortable, the edge of the desk was pressing into his thigh and his back was starting to ache. He moved to stand up but Ben’s hand was still in his hair and he clung on tight not wanting the other man to move and shatter the moment. 

He stayed there longer, wanting to let Ben take the lead and dictate what was happening, aware that this whole thing was precarious and he didn’t want to do anything to upset the balance. After a few more minutes Callum felt Ben’s hand loosen on his head and he pushed himself up to look the other man in the face, groaning at the pain in his leg and back and cringing slightly at the sticky mess in his pants. He was worried about what he might see in Ben’s face but he was relieved to see him smiling softly at him. He found himself smiling back and leaned back down to kiss him again, just a gentle touch of the lips and Ben responded by bringing his hand up to stoke his fingers down Callum’s face. 

When they both managed to get themselves standing back up and attempted to sort out their clothes they stood and coyly looked at one another. Callum was still nervous to speak, worried that saying the wrong thing might ruin the moment but Ben broke the silence first. 

“That was something”

“Yeah it was” Callum blushed, embarrassed that he hadn’t been able to last very long.

“Do you think maybe you’d want to do it again sometime? But like with a drink or meal first?”

“I’d like that, tonight maybe?”

Ben nodded and smiled, Callum couldn’t help the wide grin from spreading on his face. They arranged a time and a place and agreed to meet later for dinner and as Callum was about to leave, Ben leaned in to kiss him again, but this time on the cheek, his hand resting on his other cheek and the action felt a lot more intimate than what they’d just done in the desk. When he pulled back the older man looked down at him, the cold look he’d had the last few times they met was gone and it was replaced by warm sparkling blue eyes, looking at him as if he was only man in the world. He suddenly felt confident that there could be a future and Ben’s barrier has well and truly cracked. He said he’d see the other man later and left, leaving him smiling at Callum’s retreating form. 

Ben had tried so hard to keep Callum away, to try and keep him safe from him but he crumbled when he saw him again knowing that it was no good. He couldn’t deny what he wanted anymore and knew he had to try, even if it ended in disaster and heartache he realised it was worth it for the way Callum looked at him or touched him. This was a man he could see a future with and while it was scary he hoped that ultimately it would be worth the risk.

  
Much later when they’d been dating officially for a few months Ben turned into the soppiest sod you’d ever seen. He’d spent so much of his life trying to push people away to try and protect himself that when he finally allowed himself to let somebody in again he went in completely the opposite way. Callum brought out the best in him and he enjoyed the feeling of closeness of being with somebody. To lay in bed with another person, spend the morning making love and laze around the flat together was something he hadn’t realised he wanted or missed. He’d allowed himself to feel again and the world hadn’t ended. It was the first time he felt truly loved in such a long time.

For Callum it was the first time he’d been in love with anybody in his life. He’d loved Whitney but with Ben it was something else. The way his body reacts when he looks at the other man, or the way his skin dances with fireworks when Ben touches him amazes him every single time it happens. He feels like he could live the rest of his life locked away in Ben’s flat and never see anybody again as long as he had his boyfriend with him. He didn’t know why it took him so long to work out that this was what he was missing in his life. 28 years of not knowing what he wanted seemed like a bad dream now he knew exactly what made him happy. 

When Ben declared his love for Callum for the first time he did it with a song, not in front of anyone but in private just the two of them. Laying on the sofa together, Callum leaning back with Ben resting his head on his thigh and the older man brushing his fingers through his hair. Ben was stroking his fingers gently up and down Callum’s other thigh and started to sing softly under his breath. Callum could barely hear what he was singing as Ben was nervously singing the words almost to himself, his eyes closed and trying to block out the world, afraid to say the words out loud. Callum smiled as he managed to hear the words coming out of Ben’s mouth and when he finished he encouraged the other man to sit up and look at him, he put his hands on either side of his face and looked directly at him to reiterate what he was about to say. 

“I wanna grow old with you too.”

  



End file.
